Don't P in my bucket...

Image via WikipediaWell it seems as though I've been able to hush the voices in my head lately, because they haven't highjacked my body and brought me to my venue in a while.  I've actually been hiding all week.  I was really counting on the world to end last week, as predicted.  So I had to perform a few illegal activities in order to check off items on my bucket list.

The first problem with my bucket list: it is designed based on the assumption that I will one day be rich and successful.  I seem to have dominated every critical aspect, with the exception of wealth.  I've come to grips with the fact that every lucrative idea, that I choose to harbor, turns out to be quite the opposite.  People tell me that money doesn't grow on trees, to which I reply–B.S..  Isn't money maid from trees?  I don't want to overanalyze here.

My Point is: in order to meet the demands of a demanding bucket list, I had to come up with some money quick.

FYI-Robbing a 7-11 is a bad idea.  It takes them forever to get out a five dollar bill.  Of course I've realized this once or twice before.  It seems I always get stuck in line behind the one idiot who has to have the exact package of cigarettes, 20 different lotto tickets, and doesn't realize that there're 5 people lined up to kick him in the nuts.

Eventually I made ends meet.  Let's just say I don't have a fool-proof alibi for how I attained the Ferrari in my driveway.

Moral:  Don't wait to start on that bucket list.  If some moron has miscalculated the exact day the world will end, he might screw-up the math again.

another fork in the road...

Image via WikipediaLately I've been distracted by school and whatever other "extremely important" matters have crossed my path.  This last term I got four As and one B.  Even though that one B was in Microbiology (keep in mind that all my performance in all previous Biology classes provoked school and government mandated testing to see if was in need of "special attention", after which all signs pointed to--he's just a lazy no good [bleep x5]), I was still pissed that I got a B.  I should also mention getting a 3.0 was like some unachievable mystery to me that involved a level of concentration and will that would simply not be granted to me in this life.  I really wanted all As just to say I did it (what I mean there, is shove it in everybody's face.  I mean cram it in their face while prancing around shouting--who's your daddy?).

Anyways with all that extra attention geared towards learning, I've neglected what I was sent her to do.  You see shortly after I married my most excellent wife, I noticed that my decrease in physical activity became evident in a belly that I hadn't seen in years.  I hated that belly, because it was equipped with stringy arms and perfect target for ridicule.  Let's just clarify that I have nothing against ridicule, I just don't like to see it aimed in my direction.  So shortly after marriage, I decided to partake in a Forrest Gump like lifestyle- "and from that day forth, I was a running."  I enjoyed the fact that, probably just like Forrest, it made me feel less retarded.  It was my very passion towards running that led me to start my first blog (I started it about 3 years ago and it has a solid 2-3 posts total).  My problem, I guess, is that I haven't learned how to intertwine being a smartass and a runner.

Either way, my running activity has been slipping.  It also so happens, that I'm planning on running my 6th marathon this summer.  So once again, I will regain power and hope to use my running blog as my fuel to keep me going.  If you have the stomach to follow me on that blog as well I welcome you and your sharp criticism: hamstringspasm.blogspot.com

I'm also in the works of creating a blog dedicated to the field of nursing, as I will be entering.  It is at a very rough development, but should be promising.  nursesandmurses.blogspot.com Of course, we all know that the thought of me keeping all these current would require a performance beyond miraculous.

We'll see...

You can do it...

Wifey has received some sort of supernatural strength, that pushed her into another manic chapter of life.  She started by bouncing around the house on Saturday  morning, doing all kinds of--who knows what--while I'm trying to figure out why someone is up so early.  I saw her posting up some kind of strange messages throughout the room.  I couldn't read half of them due to the fact that my glasses weren't on and the font color was impossibly bright.  I soon discovered that she had been filling the walls with positive affirmations.  Normally I would take this opportunity to discuss this affirmations in a very sarcastic tone.  What I chose to do instead is make some positive affirmations of my own.  Once I realized the brilliance in these one liners and the new positive zest that it brought to my life, I felt the need to share.  I'm pretty sure that the rules for this type of motivation shouldn't include negative words such as not or no, but seeing how Wifey broke the rules I figured I can to.  So here's my top ten (feel free to use them when you're reaching for that untapped motivation):

1.  I am strong like bull
2.  I my male identifiers are at the very least close to average size
3.  Mediocre is not last place
4.  IQ does not measure such factors like: # of friends on facebook, how big the lenses are on my sun glasses, and ninja skills.
Image via Wikipedia5.  At least my IQ qualifies me for all kinds of freebies from the government, some people have to walk around expos all day long to get free stuff.  All I have to do is misbehave in public.
6.  I could probably beat up most handicapped people, as long as blindside them.
7.  People at the top are always subject to negative publicity.  Who wants all that bad attention anyways? (Trump?)

Image via Wikipedia

8.  When the going gets tough, find something that you don't suck at.
9.  You do not make mistakes, everything you do is on purpose.  The free market can't tell the difference anyways.
10.  When people call you quitter, horse's ass, pathetic, waste of oxygen molecules, etc., they're probably either jealous or using some terms of endearment that haven't quite caught on yet.

and if none of those work:

11.  I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and da gone it people likes me.