because you have faith...

Dear solid fan base,

There has to be at least 4 or so of you, that are still die hard.  For that I commend you.  You are the people that make this world a better place for all, in fact it is getting just downright wasteful sparing oxygen molecules for the rest of the earthly population.  Do you get as exited about world domination and class separation as I do at this point?  Of course you do, you've probably found yourself speeding and flipping people off a lot more than usual.  Don't be ashamed, you're only human.

A lot of people think that I've been too neglectful towards my supremely important blog.  I just want to clear the air, by reporting that although school has been a challenge, it is not the reason for my decrease in writing activity.  I have my priorities straight.  The real reason for the cut back, has more to do with budgeting and government grants, that I have yet to receive for providing such a quality education.  You see, at times I experience what some people refer to as "passion" or "overzealous-behavior".  Yes, it is true, I have been caught sitting on the couch cursing at the laptop from time to time.  Occasionally, I tense up so much while I'm typing, that I literally press the keys straight through the keyboard.  Exit wound and all.  This is a type of situation, that can't be undone.  When such passion provokes this sort of destruction it becomes very expensive (Especially if you have a laptop and the keyboard, now needing replacement is directly attached to the computer.).

So in order to save product, I've taken to using a keyboard with a 20 foot range.  This way I also avoid punching the screen.  The sad ending here is while trying to reduce destruction to my computer, I've also lowered my level of anger and blood pressure.  I still use up the same untapped energy, only I take it out on a 5 lb. bag of cinnamon bears, or Red Vines.  Not having that anger, to constantly stir up the voices of irrational thought and chaos, leaves me a little short for words in times that they are most needed.  Any psychologist would probably refer to this as a positive outlet.  But how could any of this be positive, when at least 4 people are relying on me?  I've said it before, I'm no martyr or savior, but I am here to offer the best of me.

So I thought about going back to close-range typing.  Once Wifey caught wind of this, it was immediately vetoed.  And because I choose not to type in a dark closet, in order to avoid her all-seeing eyes, I know I need some form of controversy.  So I've devised a plan.  This is going to involve some help from my fans, but I'm sure it will work.  The cure I ask for, to fuel me up is hate mail.  I know my most faithful fans couldn't find it in them to even set their minds in a state of anger or contempt for me, but I'm sure you have friends who could.  So I need you to seek out the people in your lives, that truly detest people like me (You probably don't even have to leave the house to do this.).  Invite these haters to visit my site and comment.  I'm sure that some angry words will really bump up my game.  It will also bump up your game, when you find yourself delivering personal jabs in attempt to defend the website that makes all things clear to you.

It's either hate mail or I skip my meds for a week, but I'm pretty sure that society is not ready for that.

Chase 'em down...

Stic to the fun-duh-mentals...-

Please, someone explain to me the thought process encouraging the formulation of a word like fundamental.  Given the erroneous claim of the prefix fun-, I can't help but question--what political mastermind had such need to deceive his people?  You don't follow? Try this: show me just one fundamentalist who actually knows what fun is.  Sure, you'll find someone who claims they have fun, but I guarantee that their explanation will fill you with the same type of confidence that you felt every time George Bush said he would address the public.  Don't you dare tell yourself--maybe I'm the crazy one.
Image via Wikipedia
We need to focus on the cleverly placed suffix, which should actually be the root of the word: -mental.  There now, did that word happen to chime through your head when you heard the latest (or oldest) fundamentalist's definition of fun?  They've distorted so much.  Don't fall for any of it either, it's a mind game that they like to play.  They adhere to ignorance and good old fashioned blah, (with pride--I say) before they'll ever evolve.  In fact the word evolve is synonymous with devil to these people.  Maybe you're uncomfortable with such talk, but I'm only getting started.  You think I'm referring to hyper-gun-toting conspiracy theorists?  I don't need to tell you about them, their story is self-narrated.  In fact I recommend befriending a few of these NRA members, just as an insurance policy.  I'm talking about the people who ban together to ostracize you, for using a drill with a buffer on the end, to wash your kitchen table, walls, chairs, etc.

Fundamentals--they tell you.  "Nothing gets that out like a good old rag and elbow grease. " Nothing makes me want to never clean the table again like elbow grease.  I'm not wasting precious elbow cartilage on this unworthy cause.  You want to judge me and call me lazy, just because I've evolved?  Because I refuse to scrub away while I inhale cleaning fluid, that could send my neurons in some kind of fray?  Well, I'm ready to bring the demons out.  If you have OCD this will now doubt cause you to twitch a little.

Pay attention: I use a sander with a rag on the bottom to wash the table.  I let the tub overflow to wash the bathroom floor, soak for 10 minutes, then remove moisture with a shop-vac.  I'm pretty sure that bleach and 104 degrees Fahrenheit water will reduce the terrorist threat level, to what ever lies below level orange.  If I'm caught kneeling on a hard surface, it's because I'm looking for something really important that my magnetic wand and metal detector failed to locate.  I send my truck through the car wash with the windows open, so I don't have to get Armor All, all up in my pores.  What about vacuuming, you say?  That's why you put in that extra buck for the air dry.  No need for a pine tree here.

So spare me with your curmudgeon rants.  Next time you see me sitting on my front porch with a remote control in my hand, as I watch my lawnmower do everything I tell it to, why not say- "that could save me a lot of time."  If you want to be proud of that sweat pouring down your face as you slave away, move to Houston.  All you have to do is walk to your car to work up a sweat.  The hardest part is finding a close spot, while there are five other people driving around looking for a spot 20 feet closer to the entrance.

All I'm saying is quit demonizing evolution.  No one cares how hard you work anymore, you're probably fudging the facts anyways.  Embrace change...

Yes, you...

Education...

The best part about Sunday dinner is getting feedback about my blog.  Unfortunately there are always people trying to change the subject, which requires me to spin the convo back to the subject of: ME!  It's like marketing hour for me, and it gets exhausting.  People are always misquoting me and what not, so I have to correct them (I'm real anal about quotations).  Then there are always some people that think they're so frickin' amazing, they're basically overcome with jealousy, so they act like they're tooooo cool to participate in the blog talk.

The reason that feedback is so important to me, is because I need to know that my fans are getting every penny's worth.  That's right, I'm in it for you.  It would be nice if people would comment, on the blog, so that I didn't have to go to Sunday dinner with several people I can't stand; yet they can't get enough of me.  What I'm getting at folks, is that if you're just rushing through these posts you're not getting a full education.  You need to participate.  If you don't, it's basically like going to college for nothing but job training.  Where's the education in that?

I'm extremely grateful for the curmudgeon English teacher that I had my freshman year in college.  He spoke of our decaying society with such disdain.  I was thrilled that someone could be so disappointed with modern pop-culture, that he would start using bigger words with more sting and spoke as if his pulpit were 100 ft in the air.  The "mall world" is what he called it.  The man refused to memorize his social security number, because it was not his identity.  I'm generally a fan of verbal abuse, but when it came from this guy I left the class so disoriented that I didn't even know my name.  Talk about getting your money's worth in education.  I wish that I wasn't so lazy, just so that I could have a list if things that get under my skin a mile long, just like that guy.  To be obsessed to the point where you'd probably love to make a student cry, that's dedication.
Image via Wikipedia
He talked about how the mall world schools didn't teach us anything anymore so we had to take precious time to learn parts of speech.  We were lucky that such a knowledgeable individual would even speak to us unworthy creatures.  I would be shaking with embarrassment as he rounded the room dissecting a sentence.  When it was our turn we had to declare which part of speech was being represented by each word.  He spanked us all over the place, and it was one of the greatest learning experience I received.  It had nothing, yet everything, to do with my major.  Priceless humiliation.

I stand next to my teacher, when I believe that public education is crap!  (Don't start building your case about how my spelling or sentence structure is still just barely above a 5th grade level.  And if you do you better make me cry.  You really think I have time to edit while still meeting the demands of so many fans?)  So anyways I want to congratulate my number one fan (I don't mention names often, but she deserves it and besides she realizes the waste of time it would be to try to sue me for defamation.  Although the claim would have to be on other grounds, because defamation insinuates de-faming, but this is more of an entry to fame).  Without further adieu, thank you Aunt Melissa!  Why is she number one?  Let's just say she stays up til 3 am waiting for a post and if I happened to be too lazy that night, she can't sleep.  Besides that she's been a great promoter.  If there is any promotion worth praise, it's the kind that has no price tag.  She even texted me to inform me that my layout was not functional on her browser, even though it looked fine on my Mac.  Just so you know my last post had nothing to do with her (it had everything to do with her).  What really impressed me today, was to learn that she makes her oldest daughter read my posts before she can do anything else, including homework.  So we could also award her mother of the year.  All I know is that she's on her way to earning one of my static pages that I never have time to update.

Why would anyone force this on their children, you ask?  Because they see the true value in education.  Do you think your kids brains are just soaking up all that crap, that their teachers spray all over them?  No.  No. And NO.  You can't hold a candle to this education you're receiving before your eyes.  Maybe I don't have a diploma to offer, but I can give you some recycled toilet paper worth the diploma of any "prestigious" schools.  That's about the current worth of my diploma anyways.

Soak it up...

P.S. Sleep well auntie...

Go ahead waste your time-

• The Future For Education (whatithinktank.wordpress.com)
• Reasons Why a High School Education is Important (brighthub.com)
• Avoid a Phony College Degree and Diploma Mill (brighthub.com)