Hey ma-by-law...

Dear Lil' Mama,

From Mom to Damn-ma, thanks for being all that you can be... and then some.  I'm sorry that you had to wait to get a son-in-law to finally feel like you have a decent child.  I'm also sorry that your second son-in-law is such a disappointment.  I tried my best to show strong objection, but I fear it only reinforced negative behavior.  When it gets tough, try doing what I do when someone asks me if I have a brother-in-law on my wife's side, and say NO.

Thanks for all your help around our house, watching the kids, and noticing the little things that I do to try to get under your skin.  When you specifically go out of your way to mess with someone and they don't even notice, it can be very frustrating.  Sometimes I come home tired and grumpy, but then Nikole will tell me how you were over and something I did around the house provoked an anti-male rant, and it turns that frown right upside down.

Thanks for being an awesome Mom.  I could only imagine the difficulty of mothering 3 girls along side a man who clearly displays at least 16 mental disorders, that I'm aware of.  I hope you have a great day.

Love,
Your humble, full of grace son-in-law--Lee

BTW--I heard you finally got an iPhone.  Talk about irony, once I decided to order you an iPhone for mother's day through your Verizon account, you go and get your own.  Oh well I'll just have them attach it to my number.  Happy Mother's Day!

Hey ma, happy day...

Dearest Mother, who carried me in her belly for 9 months and assumed full legal responsibility of me clear until the age of 18 (hopefully the 9 months part is true, otherwise I think it's time to confirm my speculations),

Thank you for raising me and laughing at all my jokes, even when they weren't that funny and didn't make any sense.  I also appreciate having someone to go to, that actually falls for my "I'm a martyr routine".  You've done good, except of course with the youngest, but we don't even know how he showed up in our family.  I'm not trying to start any rumors but seriously, could we see some solid DNA evidence? It's not easy taking care of 6 kids, and even more so since none of them could be more like me.  Thanks for challenging me and never telling my siblings that I'm your only REAL favorite.  It would have caused a lot of unnecessary drama had they known.  Thanks for helping my wife and I to continue to be students for life, even though our degrees will clearly NOT represent the countless hours of schooling.  I'm sure it's tough telling people, "yeah, my sons in school again, and no, he's not a doctor.  He's not even in grad school."  It could be worse though, I could have been a dentist.  All that schooling, yet they appear to gain no knowledge.  Sometimes I swear that it is common procedure to give all dental patients a lobotomy.

Thanks for all you do!  The kids are grateful too.  And I'm grateful that they're grateful, because it makes it that much easier to dump them on you.

Love ya,

Your greatest son ever--Lee