Heretic in a very non-religious sense...

Image via WikipediaWhat has become of our culture?  Why do we prescribe to this system of beliefs and unwritten laws, that tells how we are to act and feel in any given circumstance?

So here I am feeling guilty, because I'm supposed to.  Try as I may I just can't truly feel bad for no longer working at the dysfunctional catastrophe of a workplace, where I spent at least 40 hours of my week.  What has happened to us, America?  We spend the majority of waking hours shuffling paper in the name of productivity.  Yelling and screaming at each other, cuz we all get the same doomsday feeling in our stomach every Sunday night.

I'll get back on track, but I'm not going to feel bad for enjoying some time off, to re-memorize my kid's names.  I feel as free as Peter in Office Space.

Parenting: getting beat at my own game...

I wonder if my kids would think twice if they knew they were copying antics, from the rule book on scamming parents, written by yours truly.  You would think that this would give me some kind of edge on parenting, having been a young deviant myself.  What I didn't learn til later in life is what would allow so many kids to rule the world.  Don't let your kids read this next part.

If only I knew while sitting on the floor in my room, as a young apprentice, with army action figures strategically placed, papers containing logs and graphs written in crayon, and of course a watchmen to inform me of adults that might be approaching.  I could have saved myself a lot of time by writing:  Parents are generally lazy and have less stamina then I do.  Booyah, rule book complete.  Kids think they're clever, but they're just repeating the same stuff I did.  Their real edge is the parental laziness factor.  Most parents don't have the time or are too tired to be concerned with little tantrums, therefore we pick our battles.  Two year olds on the other hand can go rounds all night, even as they're falling asleep.  Better not let the Army see this either or they'll lower the drafting age

So why don't I take charge knowing the antics that are coming my way?


1.  Because I am to lazy to deal with every little tantrum.
2.  Because there is a small part of me that just wells up inside, knowing that my kids are challenging the system at such a young age.  Even if the system is me.

This is dangerous, I suppose.  It is possible that kids get the wrong idea and think they run the house (current state of the union).  The worst problem is that when you do fly off the handle after putting up with a zillion tantrums, all bottled up, your kids will start wearing tight pants and crying all the time.  If they're boys they'll start wearing make-up and if they're girls they either stop wearing make-up or start wearing black make-up.  This is the uniform, if you will, for the modern day oppressed suburban children.

You see back in the day parents didn't have things like more than 1 TV or handheld gaming systems, to avoid every single battle.  So parents would have to deal with it.  It's hard to ignore a tantrum being thrown on gameday right in front of the TV, when it's your only TV.  Quick solution: Whoopin, they won't cry for too long.

And that is why I'm King.  I call it the care factor.  They care to win every little battle.  I win by not caring about each little battle.  No matter what the outcome is I'll always be sure to explain why I've won...

Dislike option on Facebook inevitable...

Image via Wikipedia

And this guy's my hero.

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

This guy is my competition.

I was reading an article on CNN and wanted to share it with all the soccer Mom inthusiasts that might be tapped into my Facebook page.  However, in good conscience, I could not find it in me to thumb up the article.  Even though, it said recommend to Facebook you still had to hit the thumb up icon.

Mouthy kids:
For anybody curious to see the article click here.  Now don't get me wrong I'm a big fan of over-zealous soccer moms, but I think this lady's tactics are a little harsh.  This domestic tyrant decided to completely do away with democracy in her home.


The Agenda:
For those of you who know me well I've been petitioning for quite some time to add a dislike button to facebook.  To my greatest sorrow, I've failed at every attempt.  So the question of the day- How closely

Here we go round the merry-go-round...

Dear Humble Followers,

I've spent another night blazing through the internet, all in the name of Love.  That's right I'm here to serve you and your many friends that keep on coming.  Speaking of you're friends, somebody has some homies in far off places.  Just check out these stats-

United States 367 Malaysia 5 Canada 4 United Kingdom 4 Japan 4 Germany 2 Singapore 2 Moldova 1 So you're growing in numbers.  At this point it would be completely acceptable to start arguing about who find this most amazing blog first.  I still throw it in the face of all those haters, that took so long to warm up to The Office, that I've been watching since day uno.  Let's say I have an eye for these things.  That's all part of what makes me a pretty big deal. So you may have noticed that I am constantly expressing my art and OCD simultaneously, by the constant changing of the layouts.  I decided to go with a cleaner look.  I've also added all kinds of gadgets and gear all over the site.  My latest item of note, that almost led me to throw the computer out the window, is an actual fan page on Facebook.  It took me forever to figure out why it wasn't posting all my posts as updates. Look folks, I'm bustin' my balls here to bring on this revolution.  I hope you all ride this rush to your next freedom train.  I recommend doing a cram session every sunday night.  Just when you get hit in the stomach with that dreadful feeling, that life as we've allowed it is about to continue its dreadful weekly cycle, come on over and I'll take care off you.  You need to get that rage in you that makes you walk into work Monday morning and not just saying, but truly believing that you own the place.  Trust me when you bring it at that level, with those crazy blood stained eyes, your boss will be bringing you coffee in the morning. The results are in on the side project (AmericasGreatestStory.com) and after analytical comparisons and proper curving I've determined the following:  Nobody gives an uff (uff is the bleep out sound for the F-bomb in Eminem's radio version songs, I think they run out of ideas when they try to sensor him.)  So I'm in no hurry to get crackin' on that story, unless the aliens return to abduct me yet again.  In that case, I would have plenty story to tell. Peace out loyalist and newcomers...

Why apple's app store won't let me sleep at night...

Ok semi-techies, I'm sure there's at least 3 real techies out there following me and I know they're only waiting for the perfect moment to hack into the Ramblings.  I heard the other day that even Mark Zuckerburg's Facebook account got hacked into.  How do you hack account # 00000001?  Talk about out-ninja'd!  That's why every night when I say my prayers, I ask a special blessing for Google, so that they will provide a secret service to watch over my blog.

If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm not one to go out of my way and promote products without getting a handful of cash.  Does that make me a sell out?  Yes, it does, but being a sell out is nothing to be ashamed of.  For example, every time I mention The Office on NBC, that's $100 in my pocket.  The Office on NBC...  The Office on NBC... The Office on NBC... The Office on NBC... The Office on NBC... The Office on NBC...  It looks like I'll be taking next week off.  "What's that?...oh you've got to be kidding... so that... note to self hand shakes are no longer official documents... and the guy on the corner probably wasn't the CEO of NBC."  Well I guess everybody gets a free ride on this site...

So anyways, I found a part time gig, that pays absolutely nothing as far as cash goes.  Basically it's volunteer work.  I've developed a skill for surfing the iTunes app store.  For those of you who like to add more character to your writing, there's an app for that.  It's called iFontMaker it works great on the iPad.  This app allows you to design your own font with the tip of your finger.  You can adjust the size and style, blah, blah, blah.  Check it out for yourself, after you style your own alphabet you can write it out.

There's also all kinds of apps that let you adjust and manipulate pictures...

Well see ya later...

The Office...

I'm pretty confident, that with the type of crowd I have rolling into these ramblings, I'm not the only fan of the Office.  And chances are if you love the Office and my ramblings (on a somewhat equal level) you also love Will Ferrill.

So get ready for a breakfast bowl of craziness.  That's right we're gettin' crazy with a little ness on the end.  Will Ferrill has committed to do a few shows to send off our buddy, Steve Carell.

I kid you not my friends.  Check it out for yourselves www.deadline.com.

That's what she said...

Times are tough...

I was excited beyond belief for this cougar excursion, that I've been planning for weeks.  I was going to go down to Arizona with some middle-aged ladies and be pampered for like 4 days straight.  Just spa it up all over that, no tolerance for illegal immigrants, state.

Apparently they were leading me on the whole time, because I thought that the trip was next weekend.  I just found out that they snuck out of town Today! Son A Bee!

They're probably reading this now and snickering the whole time...

I've narrowed this ultimate dis down to 2 possible reasons.

1.  They figured having my body (picture Zeus) around would scare off all the fresh young meat.
or
2.  Now that I'm among the unemployed, I'm no longer someone to be seen with in public.

I just can't believe they out Ninja'd the Ninja.
Just when you think your homies are down, the kick you to the curb.

No country for young men...

Gather 'round now...

Last day to vote.  Don't forget to vote on the left for America's Greatest Story.  There doesn't seem to be much interest.  This is bad on two accounts:
1.  I thought this could be an american idol for writing.
2.  If I'm wrong, that means my wife will be right.  (That is not acceptable on any level)

So vote, please.  Also if you have any brilliant ideas for surveys, let me know...

Unemployment into the Twilight zone...

Welcome to Unemployment!  I will be your tour guide...  Please remember to up your prozac dosage before proceeding.

Warning:  People will treat you like a child again by not letting you handle sharp objects, drink too much NyQuil, ask you how many of those pills you are taking, and so on...

Narrative:
Your world has been flipped upside down.  They stripped you of your security blanket, but everything is cool, because you have a plan.

Plan:
Day 1-  Wake up at 6 AM.  Workout for 45 minutes.  Down a bowl of oatmeal, a banana, and a protein shake.  Get dressed (business casual), show up early to drop kids off at school and network with other working parents.  Go submit 20 resumes to various companies.

Day 2 through 30- Repeat Day 1, Congratulations you've scored another seat in corporate hell.

Listen up!

What really happens:

Day 1- Alarm goes off at 6AM, WTF?  You hit the snooze button 20 times.  Each time you promised to be the last.  Finally wake up at 8AM, hurry, hurry.  Get the kids to school late.  The word has spread of your job loss, because your awesome and you utilized everything from Facebook to LinkedIn to put the word out:  "I need a freaking job, so that I can be normal again".  The remaining parents, still mingling, always mingling, avoiding eye contact at all costs (cursing under your breath).  They realize you clearly don't have your act together.  You go have breakfast.  Start hunting for jobs on your laptop and realize that there's a website for oldschool Nintendo games.  "I've got to check this out, this is the type of stuff that will give me the cutting edge of computer savviness."   10:54AM no prospects, go turn in 2 resumes and return home for a much earned nap.

Day 2- You realize that you jumped the gun.  You decide to take the day to collect your thoughts and ponder life.  You watch TV for several hours.  2PM-sudden urge to be productive.  You start deep cleaning the entire house.  It's time to vacuum.
"Did you hear that," you ask your wife.
"No," she's lying and you know it.
"There it is again."
"I didn't hear anything dear," still lying, always lying.
"It seems like this vacuum has lost its suction power," you're talking to no one now.  No one cares.
Panic enters your wife's face, and she goes to find her "How to Motivate Your Unemployed Spouse" pamphlet from the local non-profit.
You tear apart 3 different junk drawers until you find your stop watch, and run to the garage with watch and vacuum in hands.  Start timer... disassemble vacuum.  8mins 37secs, your desk job made you sloppy.  You are dumbfounded by the size of the tiny motor.  "Now that just won't do.  No wonder this vacuum sucks."  You tweet your new joke, then hit up Google.  2 hours later you've narrowed down a propane powered, indoor safe weed-whacker engine.  There will need to be a slight modification to the vacuum in order to fit this new engine.  No problem...

You go to the checkout page.  You don't have an account at this site.  The thought of finding your credit card and entering 16 digits, is mortifying.  You're exhausted.  Take a nap on the couch, you earned it.

Day 3- 7:30AM, still on the couch.  Kids are poking you with Barbie legs and snapping your eyelids.
Child #2- "You look sick Daddy, is that why you aren't at work?"
Child #1- "You're face is real hairy, is that why you slept on the couch?"

The cycle of none sense repeats.  Always repeating...

Day 10- You've submitted 6 resumes total.  2PM you return from a walk.
(Unknown ambush waiting for you.  Always unknown).
Enter House and feel creepy aura.
Enter extended family and in-laws, chameleon style.  They take center stage.  Why do they all have folding chairs?  You must be dreaming.

You're trapped- Guerilla Intervention.  This is not a dream soldier, nor is it a drill.  Sloppy again.  Always sloppy.

They tell you how worried they are.  Oh how your dreams of running your own business, becoming a writer, and finally beating Super Mario Brothers 3 have the appearance of zero productivity ! Worried faces everywhere.  Fake and phony everywhere.  Everywhere phake and fony.  Dizzy now.

Always dizzy.

You piece it together.  The kids have been sharing stories with you all week, about famous business men and celebrities who worked at McDonalds and Burger King when times are tough.  Always asking your opinion.  Asking always.  Don't blame the kids though, at this age their loyalty is compromised with out them even knowing it.

Phake and Fony.
Your wife hands you a gift.  Open gift.  Open.  It's a portfolio bound in phake leather (times are tough).  Open portfolio.  Open.  Inside you find a stack of job applications for fast food and retail chains.  Feeling dizzier.  Always dizzy.  Dizzy...

Enter idea...  Enter bad idea... Enter last resort, bad idea...  Always with the entering.  Always...

Self-preservation now:
Fight or Flight?  Right you are...
Without saying a thing you walk out the door.  Exit.  Enter car.  You drive to the local grocery store.  It's real busy, Perfect!  Enter store, yelling expletives.  Always yelling.  You knock over the promotional items.  You hate low prices, you hate hight prices.  "Where are the medium, not some premium, not so crappy prices?"  You carry on a heated debate with Peanut Butter.  Economy size makes you frown.  You had an idea for sandwiches once, what was it? Where's the Lucky Charms?  You start shouting some more "I'm a leprechaun, I'm a leprechaun!" "Where are me Lucky Charms!"  Tony the Tiger is laughing at you "Tricks are for kids," says Tony.  Your mad at all cereal, it has nothing to do with race.  You claim that your grandfather built the store with his bare hands.  His store, his hands.  Your store now.  His legend.

Enter Police

Enter Straight Jacket

Enter Padded Room

Enter Sedatives

Enter devious smile.  Evil laughing in your head.  Always evil...

You showed them all!
Nobody puts baby in the corner... Patrick Swayze visits you.  You rehearse scenes from Roadhouse.  You play chess.  Jason Bourne vs. Patrick Swayze.  Bourne 50; Swayze 3.

Cinnamon Bears and Diet Pepsi at your side.
Life is great...

Life is Always Great...

Damn the man...

Today I walked into work my usual old chipper self.  Whistling and bobbin' my head to whatever I was listening to on the road.  Sit down at my desk and get setup, still hummin' away.  News flash!  You're department is being shutdown... the record comes to a screeching halt...  WTF?

So after sitting in shock for about 2 hours and running out of finger nails to chew on, I walked the Green Mile.

What do we learn from this?  There is a huge cultural flaw in the way that we are taught to be good little workers.  Go to school, go to more school, graduate, then work.  Work to death, always working.  Make others lots of money and protect their rights, because some day, that will be you making all that money.

Well I'm done with the man.  Now I'm gonna make the man work for me.  How you ask?  I'm just going to start walking into job interviews with an attitude.  We'll sit there and talk about nothing for a bit, then the interview will start.  Only this time I'll be the one asking the questions...  What makes your company so special that you think you could handle a bad ass like me?  He'll sit there in shock at first... Then I'll fire off some more questions... Do you really expect me to work 40 hours a week, just show up to the office and look busy even if I'm on top of all my business, cuz you know I handle my business?  If I work so hard and am so productive that you run out of things for me to do, are you going to "let me go"?

That's right I'm runnin' the show now suckas!

If anybody has some crazy office mishaps, lay-offs, or other crazy stories, please email me and if you want I'll share it with all these gangsters that visit this site.

Well time to watch some good daytime TV.

Rebel and yell...

Google vs. Googol...

For those of you who have been following me since the beginning, you may have notice a slight error in my blog title.  In all haste to share the news, to many eagerly awaiting friends, that I now have a platform to release the voices in my head, I misspelled the word worker.  It looked like this: woker.  I've since changed it.

As I was pondering in the shower (sorry for getting everyone excited, but that's when I'm alone with the voices) I remembered something...

Let me take you back in time to the year 1997, when 2 young geniuses much like myself (once again we're comparing the level of my Ninja skills the their computer programming skills, basically apples to apples) wanted to download the entire internet onto their computer.  What they did was develop the most amazing search engine ever, followed by a corporate structure allowing a game plan for world domination.  Who do I speak of you ask?  Oh nobody just Larry Page and Sergey Brin, the founders of Google.

My point is, after they devised this genius solution, they needed a name.  They wrote on their white board Google.  Why is this relevant?  Because some chick, who happened to know how to spell better, came into there office and crossed out their new title.  Next to it she wrote- it's spelled googol.

Do you follow the parallel?

Would I say I'm off to the same start as Google?  Yes, of course.

Let me paint a picture:

1 Million - The number 1 followed by 6 zeros

$30 Billion - Net worth of Larry Page and Sergey Brin

1 Googol - The number 1 followed by 100 zeros

Google - An empire devoted to efficiency and world domination

The only question that remains is who will be the first Googolianaire, them or me? (insert evil laugh now)

think about it...

Oprah's Sister and her Mom: Vernitta Lee? Oh America...

I did a little research today, as I'm at home sick, also with sick kiddos. I googled "quiet ramblings", thinking my blog should be at the top of the list now that my domain is: quiet-ramblings.com. What I found out instead was drumroll... I was #11 on the list. Number 11, are you freaking kidding me? What does a brotha gotta do to get some love?

(update 1/25) check me out now...google search for quiet ramblings

So I formulated a plan, thinking surely I can move up the list by discussing the latest craze. So I hit up Google Trends and at the top of the list a find, drumroll again... #1 Oprah's Sister, #2 Vernitta Lee, who I discovered is Oprah's Mom. Then suddenly, Thud. Thud. Thud. (That's what it sounds like when I start banging my head against the wall. This is about the same time Tourette syndrom kicks in too). What do I have to offer about Oprah? Nothing at all... Come on America, this is the freaking internet. How does one even get soooo bored, that they decide hmmmm... I really want to see what Oprah is up to today?

So I decided that this is why America is crazy, and why China has us by the spherical twin objects, used in sports, betting games, and tadpole creation. Then, I started to wonder- at what point will China be outsourcing to us? Maybe the iPod was really designed in China, to keep us occupied while stealthy infiltrating our minds, so they can get us all hopped up on dopamine every time we catch the latest celebrity news. Very, very, cleaver... Oh I hope this is all just paranoia on my part.

I then download AutoCad on my computer from the black market, allowing me to keep my computer ip address anonymous.  Just as I started to draft my plans for a bomb shelter, I mean come on we don't know where this is headed, I decided to give America one last chance.  So I check Yahoo. I found enough relief to cancel the backhoe delivery and 30 yards of concrete, just ordered. Yahoo's trending #1... is Joe Biden. This could be good, people are probably interested in government structure and law...  The sad truth, is that I know that's a lie. People are probably trying to find out his eye color, nicknames, pet's names, etc., etc., blah...

So just in case I'm going to keep these CAD files on my desktop. I'd share them, but I'm too paranoid that you may be a Chinese ninja. We all know that Ninjas originated in Japan, and the Chinese are only impostors, but it scares me just the same.

So be careful out there...



On a side note, I'm constantly trying to make my blog more awesomer'r (I can hardly believe it's possible either). As you may have noticed by the constant remodeling I suffer from blogger OCD. I've added star ratings at the end of each post.  Don't be afraid to rate me and if you've really got some beef to unload email me.  There is also a box full of links that might be related to my ramblings... Don't be scared to explore, they're not a scam, just other articles related to my content, and I don't make anything off of them. They are simply my gift to you: relevant, possibly more informative, information.

***Pay attention now: The coolest new toy I've added, is an integration from:


This allows you to double click any word on my site and get a definition. Ingenious! I use it all the time, since I don't even know what I'm saying half the time.

Try it here by doubleclicking this word: BELLWETHER

Ride on revolution...

etc...

Before I go on my next rant.  I MUST STRESS THE IMPORTANCE THAT YOU VOTE ON THE SURVEY TO THE LEFT ABOUT MY NEXT SIDE PROJECT.  DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!  Thanks in advance.  I'd like to make it a community thing, but I don't know if anyone has the cojones to participate.  Either way I have a feeling that it is going to be Gigante, that's big!  So let me know by voting or email me.

Now on to a matter of serious importance...

I can't take it anymore.  If I here it said "ect cetra" one more time I'm gonna scream.  Take notes (when I say take notes I'm about to get real anal): it is abbreviated as "etc." not "ect.".  It sounds like someone is chocking up phlegm when they say it wrong, and it's like nails on a chalkboard.  If you want to bring the demons out of me, now you know how.

Proper spelling: Et cetera (latin) meaning- and so on, and other things.  Et=and; cetera=the rest.

If you're awesome like me you just do this...  I call it the full stop triple-combo.  It's my trademark and tell's you: you think I'm brilliant now?  Imagine what kind of brilliance would emerge, had I not trailed of....

I could do it all day long...
It's soothing...

So, no more butchering Latin terms.  If your unsure just do what Kurt Vonnegut does, "and so on", "and so it goes", "so it goes".  Find you're own trade mark, and use it.  It puts the -ness at the end of your name.

I'm glad to see that many are coming to see what this madness is all about.  Let it spread world...

I hope you all have clicked on the brain and gone to my first post, then did your first assignment.  Feel free to leave comments, I've made it quite easy by allowing anonymous entries.  There will be no censorship, unless people start tossing F-bombs all up in the comment box.

Go get some...

generation of weaklings...

Pay close attention folks, for irony is at full swing:

Due to the censorship powers that be and unnecessary paranoia, the original contents of this post have been removed.  Which only adds to my original topic.

Remember the power of the tyrants is great, and they will stop at nothing to control us.  The revolution is nigh at hand...

Basically my point was that those who received anesthesia while undergoing circumcision, have an unfair advantage in life.  They have been over-protected from pain, for their entire lives.  This gives them little to whine about, so they wear tight paints and complain about the amount of songs that can be stored on their iPod.

'nuf said...

Rolling up my sleeves...

Am I a genius or just a shameful intelect?  If you know me personally, hold you tongue.  If you ever had a chance to read Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, send me a comprehensive report.  I haven't read it yet, but I can only imagine it is amazing, as I've read several of his articles at gladwell dot com and also The Tipping Point and my favorite Blink.  This guy is one clever es oh bee.  He is an amazing writer and his research will blow your mind.  He has the ability to give you unthinkable views about his topic at hand. 

So why did I go on that long seemingly unnecessary tangent?  Aside from that fact that it makes my post longer, there's something we can learn from Outliers.  (Don't make me explain again why I might know something about a book that I've yet to read.)  The book is about how successful people, become successful people.  The word Outliers refers to the factors that have paved the road to their success.  This would be family and friends who've supported our modern heroes and hollywood freaks, he also (I think, again I haven't read it so correct me if I'm wrong) talks about situations of chance and luck, plus other oppurtunities that complete this road to fame. 

Why all this talk?  So that one day in an interview Stephen Colbert can ask (uuummmhh) let's say Malcolm Galdwell?- "So Malcolm, tell me about The Quiet Ramblings of a Construction Worker blog, great blog or greatest blog ever?"

Till then I hope that articles like 5 bolgs that make me laugh contine to write about me.  Let's just say I know the author.

Thank you all, who've been supporting me in my ramblings and not making a big fuss about the fact that I'm not a true construction worker, I am in the industry.  I appreciate all the visits and hope that this will be a place where the bruised and beaten can find shelter, squirt some tears, have a good laugh, and of course learn from my massive pools of knowledge.

You're no good for me...

Dear Blackberry,

I’ve had it up to my eyeballs with your jealousy and constant nagging. Of the 20-40 emails I receive daily, maybe 3 are of actual immediate importance, and even those could wait an hour or 3. I’m shutting off your constant notifications and blinking red light. I’m getting a headache just thinking about it. What has sparked such heretical actions, you ask? Let’s just say I found solace and protection in the arms of radical propaganda that inspires unorthodox business decisions. Don’t look at me with that self righteous, unfriendly to modern media, cracked-screen. I experience shell shock every time you vibrate and I dive for cover. This constant anxiety is no way for me to live and if you cared about our relationship you would understand this. But you don’t because you were designed by corporate tyrants who try to tie down their employees, at every chance they get. You’re probably capturing these words right now and turning them into your higher-ups. You’re such a tool. They don’t love you, they don’t feed and cloth you and make sure your battery is charged. And still your alarm pierces my ear each morning so that you can watch me run around the house like a lost creature each morning. We hurry and sow seeds of stress throughout the house.

I’m done with all that now!

This isn’t me writing you off completely we’ll still spend casual down time together, and there’s phone calls too. I guess now would be a good time to let you know that I’ve still been making out with my iPhone every night, even though it no longer has service. You’ve probably noticed that I’m able to listen to choice music while driving, also my iPhone.

I guess what I’m trying to say is Verizon will have the iPhone too real soon. So shape up or your out!
Thank you,

Trails of dreams...

I've spent over an hour trying to add facebook commenting to this blog.  I followed directions from other blogs.  I read blog.  I input code.  I read blog.  I cursed several times while trying to input code.  I read blog.  I bang head against wall.  In the end there is a code written, so somewhere on my blog there is an imaginary comment box that you can use with your facebook account.  (Still cursing in my head)

What does the internet offer?  A series of illogical explanations describing the patterns of life that are said to bring us to the tip of Maslow's pyramid, where we will experience nothing but euphoria.  Unfortunately, if you've every climbed a pyramid (I haven't by the way, but I could imagine it)  you would arrive at the top drenched in sweat and grateful that the journey's over.  There is no end to the world wide web of half-truths.  Thus, we walk around like zombie's every day trying to consume our way to the top.  Maybe we're only circling pyramids, because we've lost all sense of gravity. I'm getting dizzy just thinking about it.  The words are actually unraveling in my head at this point and spilling onto the screen.  If I could find a reason to sleep I would, but there is a force (not gravity) sucking me into this flat screen in front of me.  

If you're confused at this point you can imagine what I fill like after staring at pages of codes.  It's like looking at a foreign language for the first time y no entiendes nada, las palabras se escriten de manera clara, pero mis ojos no las reconocen.  Let me just give you a moral and we can wrap it up for the night:

All you need to know-  Abraham Maslow had a crappy childhood with psycho parents, that would make all these tight jean wearing emo kids, grateful for their mostly normal parents.  Although when you see a kid so desperate to stand out that he buys jeans out of the little girls' section, it makes you wonder...I'm getting of track again.

So I'm going to pace myself and if I can't figure it out, I'll try later (I'm talking about the comment box again).  I'd rather be content than have the pissed off dialogue, that speaks 3 dialects with 8 different accents, in my head.

Food for thought, eat it up...

Don't forget...

Check the pages, I just updated them.  And someone be the first to comment, for the love!

For what cause do you seek me...

I thought my numbers de visitantes was growing rapidly.  I then watched "The Social Network" and realized I could be getting more visitors.  If you haven't yet seen the movie all you need to know is Mark Zuckerburg is a classy d-bag (a classy d-bag with billions of George Washingtons all up in his bank account).  This only bids the question- could I be a classy d-bag?  I followed his character pretty well through-out the movie, and I realize I have no chance in learning codes to write amazing software.  What I did learn is that using big words, talking fast, and ignoring the input of your peers are the main facets, that form the foundation of a classy d-bag.  I'm pretty sure I can sub out his computer genius skills with my Ninja skills to make-up the difference.

In the end I ask myself, in admiration of his character, is all that money worth the negative publicity and never ending lawsuits?

Of course it is!  I said billions, not millions.  You could buy yourself a room full of people who think your the greatest.  Any man saying otherwise would be cast in the fire by the push of a button.  That's world domination power.  I think I'll send Mark a friend request...

Judo Chop...

I freaking love the internet.  I just found a program to unlock passwords in excel:  http://mcgimpsey.com/excel/removepwords.html

Check it out.  Good stuff...

Now you do what they told ya...

So here we are day 2.  My head is killing me after making a foul mistake, by purchasing caffeine free diet Pepsi yesterday.  I've deprived myself of a vital nutrient available in the dare-we-talk-about-it 6th food group.  All in a desperate attempt to lower my anxiety.  What was I thinking?!?!  I'll never take over the world if I distract the voices in my head.  It's like putting up a brick wall and actively telling the dialogue in my head to forget about the mission at hand and just stare at this brick wall.  But the mission will continue.

Life as it exists has inspired me to add more content to my blog.  I've learned that world domination must include a Google takeover at some point (nevermind that this very blog is powered by Google.  That's why I have a clever name they'll never suspect anything from a construction worker, or as the English say- the proles)  So I've decided to create my own search engine.  This is inspired by the #1 rated search engine by my wife and her sisters: Mom.  Whenever they have a question they just call their all knowing Mom.  So I'm adding another page: "Ask Mom".  All are welcome to post, in the form of a comment, a question for Mom to answer (I'm not really going to ask her, I'm just going to say the response came from her).   Of course this will be nowhere near the speed of Google, but any question worth answering is worth waiting for.

Keep sending your friends here, if there is any chance for a revolution it is here.

Stay classy earth...

Welcome...

Dear humble followers (I have none yet):

As the masses pour on to my blog, I anticipate a very cultish group of followers.  This is not alarming, in fact it is all part of my plan.  I shall spread my Empire starting here...  If you are with me you will be permitted some of the many splendors, such as bringing me frosty cold beverages in a reasonably appointed time or fanning me with branches from tropical trees.  But first and foremost, there is now a need to join arms and over throw the powers that be.  I'm not speaking of any specific government entity.  I'm talking about the individual tyrants that choose to make each of your lives miserable.  This may be a boss, co-worker, "friend", etc.  Now, now, calm down psycho gun-toting over zealots.  You're not actually going to take violent action.  What you should do is slowly torment each tyrant in your life, thus giving you the upper hand.  The best way to do this is to "ignorantly" exploit the pet peeves of this individual.  I speak of ignorance as a gift here, because it enhances the blow and puts the nerves on edge.

This weeks assignment:  Use your tyrants special possession in total ignorance.  This could be as simple as taking their favorite pen and holding it in your mouth at some point during the day when they can see it.  You could also use their coffee cup or "accidently" each their lunch.  Remember the key is to show no respect for their property, while at the same time pretending that you have no idea it was theirs.

I know this sounds childish, but aren't all tyrants a bunch of whining babies that throw a fit when they don't get there way?  Please do comment and let me know if you were able to provoke a tantrum.

So now, it's time to go poke the bear...