You can do it...

Wifey has received some sort of supernatural strength, that pushed her into another manic chapter of life.  She started by bouncing around the house on Saturday  morning, doing all kinds of--who knows what--while I'm trying to figure out why someone is up so early.  I saw her posting up some kind of strange messages throughout the room.  I couldn't read half of them due to the fact that my glasses weren't on and the font color was impossibly bright.  I soon discovered that she had been filling the walls with positive affirmations.  Normally I would take this opportunity to discuss this affirmations in a very sarcastic tone.  What I chose to do instead is make some positive affirmations of my own.  Once I realized the brilliance in these one liners and the new positive zest that it brought to my life, I felt the need to share.  I'm pretty sure that the rules for this type of motivation shouldn't include negative words such as not or no, but seeing how Wifey broke the rules I figured I can to.  So here's my top ten (feel free to use them when you're reaching for that untapped motivation):

1.  I am strong like bull
2.  I my male identifiers are at the very least close to average size
3.  Mediocre is not last place
4.  IQ does not measure such factors like: # of friends on facebook, how big the lenses are on my sun glasses, and ninja skills.
Image via Wikipedia5.  At least my IQ qualifies me for all kinds of freebies from the government, some people have to walk around expos all day long to get free stuff.  All I have to do is misbehave in public.
6.  I could probably beat up most handicapped people, as long as blindside them.
7.  People at the top are always subject to negative publicity.  Who wants all that bad attention anyways? (Trump?)

Image via Wikipedia

8.  When the going gets tough, find something that you don't suck at.
9.  You do not make mistakes, everything you do is on purpose.  The free market can't tell the difference anyways.
10.  When people call you quitter, horse's ass, pathetic, waste of oxygen molecules, etc., they're probably either jealous or using some terms of endearment that haven't quite caught on yet.

and if none of those work:

11.  I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and da gone it people likes me.

Why apple's app store won't let me sleep at night...

Ok semi-techies, I'm sure there's at least 3 real techies out there following me and I know they're only waiting for the perfect moment to hack into the Ramblings.  I heard the other day that even Mark Zuckerburg's Facebook account got hacked into.  How do you hack account # 00000001?  Talk about out-ninja'd!  That's why every night when I say my prayers, I ask a special blessing for Google, so that they will provide a secret service to watch over my blog.

If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm not one to go out of my way and promote products without getting a handful of cash.  Does that make me a sell out?  Yes, it does, but being a sell out is nothing to be ashamed of.  For example, every time I mention The Office on NBC, that's $100 in my pocket.  The Office on NBC...  The Office on NBC... The Office on NBC... The Office on NBC... The Office on NBC... The Office on NBC...  It looks like I'll be taking next week off.  "What's that?...oh you've got to be kidding... so that... note to self hand shakes are no longer official documents... and the guy on the corner probably wasn't the CEO of NBC."  Well I guess everybody gets a free ride on this site...

So anyways, I found a part time gig, that pays absolutely nothing as far as cash goes.  Basically it's volunteer work.  I've developed a skill for surfing the iTunes app store.  For those of you who like to add more character to your writing, there's an app for that.  It's called iFontMaker it works great on the iPad.  This app allows you to design your own font with the tip of your finger.  You can adjust the size and style, blah, blah, blah.  Check it out for yourself, after you style your own alphabet you can write it out.

There's also all kinds of apps that let you adjust and manipulate pictures...

Well see ya later...

Times are tough...

I was excited beyond belief for this cougar excursion, that I've been planning for weeks.  I was going to go down to Arizona with some middle-aged ladies and be pampered for like 4 days straight.  Just spa it up all over that, no tolerance for illegal immigrants, state.

Apparently they were leading me on the whole time, because I thought that the trip was next weekend.  I just found out that they snuck out of town Today! Son A Bee!

They're probably reading this now and snickering the whole time...

I've narrowed this ultimate dis down to 2 possible reasons.

1.  They figured having my body (picture Zeus) around would scare off all the fresh young meat.
or
2.  Now that I'm among the unemployed, I'm no longer someone to be seen with in public.

I just can't believe they out Ninja'd the Ninja.
Just when you think your homies are down, the kick you to the curb.

No country for young men...