You can do it...

Wifey has received some sort of supernatural strength, that pushed her into another manic chapter of life.  She started by bouncing around the house on Saturday  morning, doing all kinds of--who knows what--while I'm trying to figure out why someone is up so early.  I saw her posting up some kind of strange messages throughout the room.  I couldn't read half of them due to the fact that my glasses weren't on and the font color was impossibly bright.  I soon discovered that she had been filling the walls with positive affirmations.  Normally I would take this opportunity to discuss this affirmations in a very sarcastic tone.  What I chose to do instead is make some positive affirmations of my own.  Once I realized the brilliance in these one liners and the new positive zest that it brought to my life, I felt the need to share.  I'm pretty sure that the rules for this type of motivation shouldn't include negative words such as not or no, but seeing how Wifey broke the rules I figured I can to.  So here's my top ten (feel free to use them when you're reaching for that untapped motivation):

1.  I am strong like bull
2.  I my male identifiers are at the very least close to average size
3.  Mediocre is not last place
4.  IQ does not measure such factors like: # of friends on facebook, how big the lenses are on my sun glasses, and ninja skills.
Image via Wikipedia5.  At least my IQ qualifies me for all kinds of freebies from the government, some people have to walk around expos all day long to get free stuff.  All I have to do is misbehave in public.
6.  I could probably beat up most handicapped people, as long as blindside them.
7.  People at the top are always subject to negative publicity.  Who wants all that bad attention anyways? (Trump?)

Image via Wikipedia

8.  When the going gets tough, find something that you don't suck at.
9.  You do not make mistakes, everything you do is on purpose.  The free market can't tell the difference anyways.
10.  When people call you quitter, horse's ass, pathetic, waste of oxygen molecules, etc., they're probably either jealous or using some terms of endearment that haven't quite caught on yet.

and if none of those work:

11.  I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and da gone it people likes me.

Unemployment- No place for the ADD...

Vocabulary for the day (click the links for wikipedia's version, but you better come right back):

ADHD- Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder.  Official medical term for ADD.  Includes 3 types: Inattentive, Hyperactive, or both.

ADD- Attention Deficit Disorder.  Original term, that is after, brain disfunction whatever...  ADD is the term  that gives you street cred.

Problem- An obstacle that hinders achievement, but has a clear an definitive solution.

Dilemma-  An obstacle with no clear answer right or wrong.  Something is sacrificed for something else.  No win-win scenario.  Some answers are righterer and some are wrongerest, but it's really just a total decision game including several factors, variables, and some facts.

The issue:

The difference between people with ADD and normal people is they have fewer problems, but far more dilemmas.  This in itself is both a dilemma and a problem.

Case in point- Problem: DVD player is not working, doesn't eject.

Normal person- Solution: Call repairman or buy new DVD player.
Image via Wikipedia
ADD person- Dilemma:  Should I fix this, call a repairman or get a new one or get a Bluray (this dialogue continues through the life of the dilemma).  Completely disassemble DVD player, while grilling steaks and counting down time to go to appointment.  What could I do to soup this up?  Maybe I should just integrate my other DVD player with all the TVs.  Burning smell.  Late.  Runs out the door.  Return later.  Pieces lost.  Still tweaking.  Browse BluRays online.  Enter new dilemma.

The ADD, despite being a serial let down, is always hopeful for the win-win.

So the worst part is that rather than solving the problem and moving on, the ADD jumps from one dilemma to the next.  There's never a solution.  The dilemmas pile up, then an inevitable explosion of expletives.  Even with the latest and greatest pharmaceutical grade Ritalin or Adderall, these dilemmas still occur.  The only difference is they come in slow motion, so you have more time to think.

So what's my dilemma?  I have no income and 24 hours of the day to fill.  If you want to see the list of possible outcomes, that is constantly scrolling through my head, you will need to plug in an external hard drive to download it.  So as you could imagine, it's difficult to accomplish any one thing, while trying to accomplish everything.  That's why the long and short term goal of every individual, with ADD, is world domination (or something else really BIG!).

Just because I can't sit still doesn't mean I'm not listening.  If I am sitting still, chances are...

I'm not listening...

Related articles

• What's the Difference Between Adult ADD and ADHD? (brighthub.com)
• The Past, Present, and Future of ADHD (everydayhealth.com)
• List of the Common Symptoms of ADHD (brighthub.com)