You can do it...

Wifey has received some sort of supernatural strength, that pushed her into another manic chapter of life.  She started by bouncing around the house on Saturday  morning, doing all kinds of--who knows what--while I'm trying to figure out why someone is up so early.  I saw her posting up some kind of strange messages throughout the room.  I couldn't read half of them due to the fact that my glasses weren't on and the font color was impossibly bright.  I soon discovered that she had been filling the walls with positive affirmations.  Normally I would take this opportunity to discuss this affirmations in a very sarcastic tone.  What I chose to do instead is make some positive affirmations of my own.  Once I realized the brilliance in these one liners and the new positive zest that it brought to my life, I felt the need to share.  I'm pretty sure that the rules for this type of motivation shouldn't include negative words such as not or no, but seeing how Wifey broke the rules I figured I can to.  So here's my top ten (feel free to use them when you're reaching for that untapped motivation):

1.  I am strong like bull
2.  I my male identifiers are at the very least close to average size
3.  Mediocre is not last place
4.  IQ does not measure such factors like: # of friends on facebook, how big the lenses are on my sun glasses, and ninja skills.
Image via Wikipedia5.  At least my IQ qualifies me for all kinds of freebies from the government, some people have to walk around expos all day long to get free stuff.  All I have to do is misbehave in public.
6.  I could probably beat up most handicapped people, as long as blindside them.
7.  People at the top are always subject to negative publicity.  Who wants all that bad attention anyways? (Trump?)

Image via Wikipedia

8.  When the going gets tough, find something that you don't suck at.
9.  You do not make mistakes, everything you do is on purpose.  The free market can't tell the difference anyways.
10.  When people call you quitter, horse's ass, pathetic, waste of oxygen molecules, etc., they're probably either jealous or using some terms of endearment that haven't quite caught on yet.

and if none of those work:

11.  I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and da gone it people likes me.