You're no good for me...

Dear Blackberry,

I’ve had it up to my eyeballs with your jealousy and constant nagging. Of the 20-40 emails I receive daily, maybe 3 are of actual immediate importance, and even those could wait an hour or 3. I’m shutting off your constant notifications and blinking red light. I’m getting a headache just thinking about it. What has sparked such heretical actions, you ask? Let’s just say I found solace and protection in the arms of radical propaganda that inspires unorthodox business decisions. Don’t look at me with that self righteous, unfriendly to modern media, cracked-screen. I experience shell shock every time you vibrate and I dive for cover. This constant anxiety is no way for me to live and if you cared about our relationship you would understand this. But you don’t because you were designed by corporate tyrants who try to tie down their employees, at every chance they get. You’re probably capturing these words right now and turning them into your higher-ups. You’re such a tool. They don’t love you, they don’t feed and cloth you and make sure your battery is charged. And still your alarm pierces my ear each morning so that you can watch me run around the house like a lost creature each morning. We hurry and sow seeds of stress throughout the house.

I’m done with all that now!

This isn’t me writing you off completely we’ll still spend casual down time together, and there’s phone calls too. I guess now would be a good time to let you know that I’ve still been making out with my iPhone every night, even though it no longer has service. You’ve probably noticed that I’m able to listen to choice music while driving, also my iPhone.

I guess what I’m trying to say is Verizon will have the iPhone too real soon. So shape up or your out!
Thank you,