Image via Wikipedia "I got bigger teetees than you do!"Has anybody ever clicked on these ads on the internet about abs? You know what I'm talking about, the ones that say--loose 200 lbs. of belly fat by obeying these three age old rules. Seriously, you think I'm going to buy whatever crap your selling, because some old philosophy? If this philosophy has been around for so long, then why would I need to pay you to hear about it. It's amazing though, how it totally plays mind games with the Curious George part of my brain. I'm sitting here thinking--what are these age old secrets? Then it becomes an itch that I can't get rid of.
I'm positive that no matter what their "secrets" are, I would never implement them into my non-existent work-out regime. Still, curiousity has me by the gut (you thought I was going to say balls, didn't you?). If it didn't involve a committment from my credit card company (on my behalf), I'd probably look further into the matter. I'm pretty sure after a drum roll goes off in my head, that the page would load and reveal the secrets. It would probably say something like: "Doing sit ups three times a day (after each meal) will help you burn all your belly fat". Then I would think--Damn! I knew it, frickin' sit-ups. Not a chance am I doing sit-ups. There is nothing that I hate more than sit-ups. All that pain in the abs, then they feel like they're on fire. Laid down, sit back up, lay down (why am I doing this), grudgingly sit back up--No Thanks! Every time I see someone doing sit-ups, I wonder what they did to piss their own self off soooo bad. I'm pretty sure sit-ups are the most grueling part of the Opus Dei doctorine. I'm not confirming this, but it does sound pretty intense.
Image via Wikipedia "What a tool!"What if you click on that ad, pay the money, and it said--"It has been confirmed by the ancient Mayans that ordering two scoops of chocolate ice cream, with gummy bear and Kit Kat mix-ins at Cold Stone, increases your metabolism by 340-363%"? I'd be like--sweet, no longer will my shoes be lost in the mysterious land below my belly. I can finally stop hogging the worlds supply of elastic and share. I will no longer get laughed at for filling my back pack in the buffet lines! Who am I kiddin'? I don't need to see my feet, I can feel them.
Image via WikipediaMaybe your a skeptic so you Google Cold Stone to see when their company was founded. "It just doesn't seem to add up. The Mayans invented Cold Stone, and we're just barely rediscovering it. Who's the punk that said--no more Cold Stone, lets do sit-ups."
It just doesn't seem to add up...
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