because you have faith...

Dear solid fan base,

There has to be at least 4 or so of you, that are still die hard.  For that I commend you.  You are the people that make this world a better place for all, in fact it is getting just downright wasteful sparing oxygen molecules for the rest of the earthly population.  Do you get as exited about world domination and class separation as I do at this point?  Of course you do, you've probably found yourself speeding and flipping people off a lot more than usual.  Don't be ashamed, you're only human.

A lot of people think that I've been too neglectful towards my supremely important blog.  I just want to clear the air, by reporting that although school has been a challenge, it is not the reason for my decrease in writing activity.  I have my priorities straight.  The real reason for the cut back, has more to do with budgeting and government grants, that I have yet to receive for providing such a quality education.  You see, at times I experience what some people refer to as "passion" or "overzealous-behavior".  Yes, it is true, I have been caught sitting on the couch cursing at the laptop from time to time.  Occasionally, I tense up so much while I'm typing, that I literally press the keys straight through the keyboard.  Exit wound and all.  This is a type of situation, that can't be undone.  When such passion provokes this sort of destruction it becomes very expensive (Especially if you have a laptop and the keyboard, now needing replacement is directly attached to the computer.).

So in order to save product, I've taken to using a keyboard with a 20 foot range.  This way I also avoid punching the screen.  The sad ending here is while trying to reduce destruction to my computer, I've also lowered my level of anger and blood pressure.  I still use up the same untapped energy, only I take it out on a 5 lb. bag of cinnamon bears, or Red Vines.  Not having that anger, to constantly stir up the voices of irrational thought and chaos, leaves me a little short for words in times that they are most needed.  Any psychologist would probably refer to this as a positive outlet.  But how could any of this be positive, when at least 4 people are relying on me?  I've said it before, I'm no martyr or savior, but I am here to offer the best of me.

So I thought about going back to close-range typing.  Once Wifey caught wind of this, it was immediately vetoed.  And because I choose not to type in a dark closet, in order to avoid her all-seeing eyes, I know I need some form of controversy.  So I've devised a plan.  This is going to involve some help from my fans, but I'm sure it will work.  The cure I ask for, to fuel me up is hate mail.  I know my most faithful fans couldn't find it in them to even set their minds in a state of anger or contempt for me, but I'm sure you have friends who could.  So I need you to seek out the people in your lives, that truly detest people like me (You probably don't even have to leave the house to do this.).  Invite these haters to visit my site and comment.  I'm sure that some angry words will really bump up my game.  It will also bump up your game, when you find yourself delivering personal jabs in attempt to defend the website that makes all things clear to you.

It's either hate mail or I skip my meds for a week, but I'm pretty sure that society is not ready for that.

Chase 'em down...

I hear them, I hear them...

Cover of Survival Story

What could be better than running from voices, all through the night?  It's rare that I ask questions that aren't rhetorical, unless I'm challenging someone, but seriously I don't have an answer for this.  I've tried everything, but sometimes it gets overwhelming.  The key is to man up, face the mirror, and say there is a dialogue in my head, and things are getting really out of control.  That's the sliver of humility required to overcome.  It's kind of like a twelve step program.  You mock me for it, but my ego is what's saved me from these voices.  If it is just your voice, spewing a never ending monologue in your head, you probably feel OK.  I'm here to tell you: You probably aren't  However, if there is more than one voice, you definitely have a problem.  The difference between me and the poor haunted individuals in the psych unit, is that I claim the voices.  No one notices you're crazy, until you honestly have no other excuse but the truth: the voices made me do it.   You're thrown out, or sent to the corner indefinitely. That's when authoritative figures say, "Really..? hmmm... ok then... follow me please (let me speak louder than all voices in your head: IT'S A TRAP! [my now current english teacher says: more than one exclamation point is obnoxious]).

Image via Wikipedia

So I made a bold and brave decision.  I called the bluff, declaring that all these different voices were really my inner-acting talent producing foreign accents (mostly European, because lets just face it the only socio-rebellion that they encourage anymore, is for teenage boys to wear tight girl pants and use their hands to iron their hair perfectly to the left and slightly down.  If only the emo world could be understood!).  Where was I?  Oh yeah... I don't have the blessing of hallucinations, so I have to imagine that I talk trash to 5 different cobras every morning in the mirror.  This is actually quite more effective than flexing muscles to feel tough.  One of them sounds like Austin Powers, one like Ron Burgandy, one like Richard (from Tommy Boy), one like Eric Cartman, and the most intimidating sounds like Chuck Norris.
Image via Wikipedia
It's OK, because I've conquered here, I'm in control, and those voices are really my inner-self running out of energy to fully exercise the daily demons.  So occansionally, the fight becomes so exhausting, that I have to run from it.  I wear noise isolation earbuds to silence the chatter.  After 2 hours of Tool, Rage, Flobots,  Eminem, or some other star with mommy and daddy issues, I'm free.  Not only that, but I return home with a Ph. D in marketing, emphasis on political propaganda.

And that's why I have a leg up, 5 associates, and a cutting edge understanding of mind control.  People click away from this blog so disoriented, that they don't know which way is up.

I guess you can add Martyr to my mainy titles.  How many of you would take on the voices in your head for me?

Chew it 50 times before you swallow...