Cougartown...

Once again, people are seeking my advice about the great mysteries of life.  The subject at hand is dating.  Now, lucky for me, I married the girl of my dreams 7 years ago, and have managed to change the subject every time she starts to question her decision.  So my opinion on this subject comes from a very practical point of view.  When your single and horny, your mind is in survival mode.  This is often referred to as fight or flight.  Unfortunately, unless your prospect shows obvious characteristics of a serial killer, that collects human flesh, you'll generally fight (wrestling type, that usually takes place in a bedroom or rental car).  You see, all these crazy hormones when bottled up for soooo long, start bouncing around and prevent neurons from reaching your frontal brain lobes.  This is the part of the brain that controls impulsivity, attention, organization, etc.  Basically you're retarded...

Image via Wikipedia

So, love hungry cougars listen up!  Since you're currently experiencing a frontal lobe shutdown, I will balance you out with some practical knowledge.  

Lesson #1-  This is a hard fact to face ladies, but if you're searching for a dude over thirty and single, you might as well hunt the psych ward.  All the prime catches, such as myself , have been snatched up (of course I won't compare all others to me, because that would set the bar too high).  I had to take a whole week off of work just to sort through some pretty impressive dowries, after another week of negotiations I was able to get the women I wanted.  This is generally why cougars are forced to go for young meat, because they can afford it and they deserve someone who has yet to be declared crazy.  I suppose if the young are willing to satisfy the wildest dreams of the middle age, they too deserve a little somethin'.  I get it, it's a win-win.

Lesson #2- Social media is big!  If I were in the dating game, I would be a huge fan of this dating medium mainly because I'm lazy.  You can knockout the first 5-10 dates, while sitting on the couch with your laptop.  On the other hand, do you really want to get with someone as lazy as you?  How will the house every get cleaned?  People are reconnecting on facebook with people that they never had the chance to get with in high school.  Those are dangerous bottled up hormones at work, from an era in your life when control over such was next to impossible. This has become a horrible problem for many marriages too, which is why I don't friend former female classmates.  The problem with this hook-up method for those who are free to date, is that it's all completely driven by nostalgia.  We all know that the problem with nostalgia is that we only remember the good things.  Don't kid yourself, especially if you were raised in some po-dunk town in say... Montana.  You were fishing in a tiny sea in high school, it's time to think global.

Lesson#3-  Online dating is not much different from facebook, but it deserves our attention.  Beware!  Anyone can claim anything, or slightly fudge the facts online.  They could post a profile picture from their best looking days.  Think of me, I tell people how cool I am in nearly every post, yet if people really knew me, they would be blown away by the amount of awesomeness all bottled up in just one package.  The other thing about the internet is you might be hooking up with some 10 year old punk kid who's just messing with you.

So I've basically said what's wrong with different forms of modern dating and have offered almost no solutions.  So what do I propose...?

I don't know!  I'm not a dating expert.  My daily goals involve trying not to piss off my wife by 9am.  If I succeed, I shoot for noon.  Then 3, then 6, and so on.  I've rarely made it passed 3 and that's why I love her... cuz she's still here.

Chin up horn balls, don't settle for less just because it's convenient...

Here's a little education for y'all.  I strive to delivery a learning experience.

• What Are the Lobes of the Brain? (brainz.org)
• Will Brain Surgery Cure My Schizophrenia? (everydayhealth.com)
• Frontal Lobes (calla5.wordpress.com)