You want it...

Image via WikipediaI was walking around this morning a little overconfident, if you could imagine what that would be like.  You probably know by now that I'm nearly flawless in every aspect.  Of course that's my bias, but I still think it's pretty objective.  Still, I wasn't sure why I felt greater than mankind.  About the same time I was pondering, my stomach started growling.  I remembered I had to bring some of my breakfast with me.  Then it dawned on me that there was a certain bulge in the jewel region, that brought about this new confidence.  I reached into the big pocket of my hoodie and there they were, two of those little easy-to-peel oranges.  Ah... no wonder I felt so confident.  

This discovery would've been deflating, given the oranges' false representation, had I not had many sad experiences with cold water.  I've definitely learned the ability of the balls to hide, when it's cold out. Besides, it was no longer the false bulge.  What was so extraordinary to me, is that confidence clearly has no limits.  This must be some kind of scientific discovery, because I thought it my confidence had reached the highest summit.  I felt like a silly African kid that reached the top of K2 and found a plaque of some type (all imagination, there's no way I would freeze my balls off to climb that high) the plaque tells about Mount Everest.  Every time people were telling me K2 was the highest, they had been fooling me.  So being the silly white boy I am, I sit and ponder what this new level of confidence could be and what it takes to get there. 

I'm surrounded by self-righteous nuts, that constantly try to point out that this confidence I have is false.  They've even gone as far as calling me names like "cocky".  Sure someone trashes a "less fortunate" person, and we throw a PC pep rally in their honor.  If you all love wheelchairs so much, how come you always walk the other way when you see one coming?  I get it we have to cheer for the underdog, but when you think about it, people like me are underdogs too.  Just because I blow competition out of the water, does not mean I don't have any needs.  I do have needs.  I need fans.  I need lots of fans, not so that I can listen to their rhetoric as they stroke my ego.  I need fans so that I can ignore them and pretend that I don't recognize their existence.  Get it?  It's not the cries of worship, it's the idea that there are cries of worship.  Once you have the idea you can use it however you choose.  Don't get all lecturer on me, couples do this all the time.  "This is my husband, he is a programmer, he's the smartest one there is, which is why his boss made him second in command."

People always use other's accomplishments to make themselves look good.  That's a step in the right direction.  However, I want to look good, not because you tell me I do, but because I don't care that you think I'm awesome.  And that's confidence.

Don't hat me because I'm beautiful...