Milk it for every drop...

I'm extremely exhausted and very frustrated.  I was for sure that I had nailed it.  I knew that I had a very promising niche.  That's what they always tell you too- find your niche.  Basically your niche is either non-competitive, because you're one of the few or the only one that has access or knowledge of whatever idea you're trying to sell; or you have an advantage over your competitors (in my case a massive brain filled with knowledge, keen sarcasm and a modus operandi, that even I don't fully understand yet).  Here's an example for a niche- if you have a third testicle you could be a circus freak (probably in Amsterdam).  I always like to choose niches with virtually no competition, basically because I'm lazy and it allows me to pretend that I'm competing against everyone (great for the ego).  That's why I only race off the line at stop lights, when I'm next to a Subaru, Hybrid, Some idiot sexting away or a rusted piece of crap vehicle.  It is absolutely crucial to not let the person know that you're racing them, just look forward and hold on to that poker face.  You'll win every time guaranteed, unless that Subaru has to cut across 2 lanes to save a stranded cat with a sad look on its face.

So anyways, I was positive that there was little to no competition in my niche:  world domination.  All these idiots these days are so obsessed with terrorism, which clearly has no specific goal other than chaos.  So I decided I'd try out the abandoned art of world domination.  What I've realized is that it's a lot of work, and simply can not be performed from the couch.  So I'm getting ready to throw in the towel.

Finding a niche these days is so difficult, and I can tell the big conglomerates are struggling with it too.  Case in point- I was just deodorant shopping and one of the deodorants advertised that it had 3-D power.  WTF?  How does deodorant have 3-D power?  I didn't see any special glasses included.  So they just make crap up?  I get that you've got a product that is saturated with competitors, but do you really need to make such bold claims that leave us wondering what 3-D power is?  I didn't buy that brand even though I wanted to, mainly cuz I was scared.  You see, I purchase deodorant to deter eye and nose traffic from my armpits, not to start some sick new fetish.  Without a doubt I could produce 20 names (male and female) willing to testify in court that I have, hands down, the sexiest under arms around (rasta hair included).  My wife's been in countless discussions, with gay men, trying to pin down my most masculine features that make me a hot piece of tail.  I think they always get caught up on how I should style my hair.  Eventually they agree to disagree on the hair, but agree on everything else.  Two women could never have that conversation, it would always end up in the wife hiring a P.I. to keep an eye on the other lady, who's so interested in her man.  I think we're missing the point here.  My pits are not my greatest asset, and I don't believe that broadcasting some freakish Avatar production up there is going to change a thing.  Whatever, I guess in search of a niche companies will try to get you to believe anything.

So I show up for the orientation to my next niche.  That's right I'm starting nursing school next week.  That means I'll probably have to change my blog title.  I thought about "the quiet ramblings of a male nurse", but I think I'm going to stick with something more suiting and classy like- "Incoherent Bitchings from an RN".  So anyways I did my research.  First off, nurses are in high demand, which means competition is naturally lower.  Second I speak spanish, which is a necessity in many hospitals here in Colorado.   However the clincher (the golden egg) has to be... roll the drums... gender.  You see, male nurses are in extra need for 2 main reasons.  We can lift more weight and we don't suffer from tourettes and/or other mental and emotional episodes once a month, enabling us to form logical coherent sentences.  To my dismay, other men have caught on too.  So instead of a female to male ratio like 6:1 (as I expected) it looks more like 2.5:1 or 3:1 at best.  So I'll have to niche in even further.  Maybe I'll be a lactation nurse, there can't be that many male lactation nurses.  Besides, when our first child was born I actually listened in the prenatal classes.  So when it came time for breast feeding, I had to push the lactation nurse and my wife's hands out of the way so that I could grab a hold and show them both how it's done.  I have way more experience operating that type of machinery.

Image via Wikipedia

All I'm saying is if you have a gift, why not use it?

So, numerous fans, please discourage any and all of your male counterparts and friends from going into nursing.  Tell them it's gay or anything, to keep this niche for me.

Milk it...

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