These stories can't tell...

Ever since I can remember, I've wanted to be an explorer.  I'm talking about some serious Indiana Jones stuff here.  I never knew that I would live the dream.  So my latest expedition involved the hunt for a Blackberry Curve 9330 (left on vibrate, if only we knew it was about to be lost!).  Said Blackberry, is a tracking device used by my wife.  The #1 purpose, for said phone, is to call me at least every hour to make sure that I remember my name, ask if I'm driving on the correct side of the road, warn me not to run into things while driving, and lovingly tell me to get on task.  I am to respond to each question clearly, using words like "yes dear".  If the slightest tone of sarcasm is detected, the interrogation restarts from the top.  If that phone isn't functioning we don't function.  Every moment it's away, I'm left to question- why I haven't heard from the wife for over 10 minutes?  Pretty soon I start twitching and I'm filled with guilt.  "But you've done nothing wrong," says the angel on my shoulder.
"You're right," I respond, "I didn't loose the phone."
People are looking at me, so I pretend that I'm talking on my bluetooth earpiece.  Thus we come across another problem... I don't have one of those stupid earpieces (I don't pretend to be the type of person who's so busy, that my hands must be available at all times.)... abort mission.

So, later that evening we continue the expedition.  We flip the couches over, children are staring.  Wifey and I both laugh at the silly hide-a-bed, that's never been used in its young 3 years of life.  We joke about how much it would suck to have to sleep on it.  The kids on the other hand are thrilled to know that there is a bed in the couch.

My children have been conditioned by my sarcasm.  They know that when I say something, I'm not to be trusted.  So child #2 is spinning around in my room at nap time.  It takes her hours to shutdown the projector in her head.  So she's prancing around our room, and decides to pour water all over our bed.  I'm not sure how much water she poured on the bed.  One thing I do know, is that there aren't enough layers of towels to absorb all the water.

Quick ending- Wifey and I are the clowns on the hide-a-bed.  My back now hurts like I gave your mom a piggy-back ride around the cul-de-sac last night.

Where's the phone?!?!

Press 1 if you want to sit on hold for 3 hours, while your hands are free to slap yourself all over the place.