Stic to the fun-duh-mentals...-

Please, someone explain to me the thought process encouraging the formulation of a word like fundamental.  Given the erroneous claim of the prefix fun-, I can't help but question--what political mastermind had such need to deceive his people?  You don't follow? Try this: show me just one fundamentalist who actually knows what fun is.  Sure, you'll find someone who claims they have fun, but I guarantee that their explanation will fill you with the same type of confidence that you felt every time George Bush said he would address the public.  Don't you dare tell yourself--maybe I'm the crazy one.
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We need to focus on the cleverly placed suffix, which should actually be the root of the word: -mental.  There now, did that word happen to chime through your head when you heard the latest (or oldest) fundamentalist's definition of fun?  They've distorted so much.  Don't fall for any of it either, it's a mind game that they like to play.  They adhere to ignorance and good old fashioned blah, (with pride--I say) before they'll ever evolve.  In fact the word evolve is synonymous with devil to these people.  Maybe you're uncomfortable with such talk, but I'm only getting started.  You think I'm referring to hyper-gun-toting conspiracy theorists?  I don't need to tell you about them, their story is self-narrated.  In fact I recommend befriending a few of these NRA members, just as an insurance policy.  I'm talking about the people who ban together to ostracize you, for using a drill with a buffer on the end, to wash your kitchen table, walls, chairs, etc.

Fundamentals--they tell you.  "Nothing gets that out like a good old rag and elbow grease. " Nothing makes me want to never clean the table again like elbow grease.  I'm not wasting precious elbow cartilage on this unworthy cause.  You want to judge me and call me lazy, just because I've evolved?  Because I refuse to scrub away while I inhale cleaning fluid, that could send my neurons in some kind of fray?  Well, I'm ready to bring the demons out.  If you have OCD this will now doubt cause you to twitch a little.

Pay attention: I use a sander with a rag on the bottom to wash the table.  I let the tub overflow to wash the bathroom floor, soak for 10 minutes, then remove moisture with a shop-vac.  I'm pretty sure that bleach and 104 degrees Fahrenheit water will reduce the terrorist threat level, to what ever lies below level orange.  If I'm caught kneeling on a hard surface, it's because I'm looking for something really important that my magnetic wand and metal detector failed to locate.  I send my truck through the car wash with the windows open, so I don't have to get Armor All, all up in my pores.  What about vacuuming, you say?  That's why you put in that extra buck for the air dry.  No need for a pine tree here.

So spare me with your curmudgeon rants.  Next time you see me sitting on my front porch with a remote control in my hand, as I watch my lawnmower do everything I tell it to, why not say- "that could save me a lot of time."  If you want to be proud of that sweat pouring down your face as you slave away, move to Houston.  All you have to do is walk to your car to work up a sweat.  The hardest part is finding a close spot, while there are five other people driving around looking for a spot 20 feet closer to the entrance.

All I'm saying is quit demonizing evolution.  No one cares how hard you work anymore, you're probably fudging the facts anyways.  Embrace change...

Yes, you...