Wait til I'm down, before you start kicking...

It's pretty embarrassing when you walk up to the cashier at Walmart and you ask about a payment plan for a $10 pack of highlighters.  If you're not getting the horrible sensation of this experience, let me rephrase it--You're pretty pathetic if you get embarrassed inside of a Walmart.  Have you ever seen the freak-show that is peopleofwalmart.com?  Outside the store is a different thing.  You don't ever want people to see you walking into Walmart.  That is like publicly admitting that you are mentally and socially off track (kind of like someone who was home-schooled).  Now you're with me.  That's why I always have a "pissed off" look when I enter the store.  Then, people will think I'm going against my will.  It becomes more of a mission, like I'm supporting a cause greater than me.  Always look down at the floor, these people are looking for someone to cling to.  You'll be hangin' with your friends, and they'll approach you saying, "hey dude, I saw you at Walmart this weekend."
You reply,"Like hell you did."  Closed fist aim for his head, the concousion is for his own good.

You can't truly hate the man, when you support the largest non-military pillaging corporation on earth.  Well, you can claim to, but no one will believe you.

The worst part about Walmart for me, is the convenience.  I had the terrible luck to work as a contractor for the big W, remodeling their stores.  So just by looking at the front of the store, my mind automatically drafts an extremely accurate floor plan.  That's very necessary, because finding an associate to show you around is quite a hunt.   The real blow is that when you work for them, that's the only place that you can afford to shop.  Ask any child of an employee about the embarrassment.

Walmart Employee: (Speaking to kids) Get ready to go school shopping...

Kids: (Having already lost hope for destinations such as the mall, in their heads they chant in unison [pleas say Target, Please say Target...]).
Image by Getty Images via @daylife
I haven't been around the rough teenage crowd in a while but I'm pretty sure that when you're hoping for clothes from Target, you my friend are not sitting at the cool table.  Tough luck buddy, don't blame your parents and don't feel like you have to resort to the tight pants wearing, socially-familiarly-mentally repressed kids.  They think they've got something solid, but when you walk around like a duck showing of your polka dot boxers, you look like a clown.  Not the funny clowns, but the creepy ones that little kids are afraid of.

I hate shopping for clothes.  I always feel like I'm being judge.  What, men are not mature enough to share changing rooms with women?  It's not like we shop at Victoria's Secret (although it probably would happen a lot more if men were allowed in the dressing rooms.  That's a pretty solid marketing strategy, Victoria's Secret people, do with it what you will.).  I thought women were all about equal rights anyways.  So, why do we have to part ways at the changing room?  Ask anyone who was involved in the Civil Rights Movement, if separate but equal met their needs.  This is why I'm proud of women trying to make a statement, by taking up such issues about the oppression of making women cover the upper portion of their bodies in public.  Unfortunately, such laws are upheld because the only women actively protesting, look much better with a turtleneck on.

I guess that equal rights is just a bunch of idealistic crap...